BY ORDER OF THE COUNCIL OF THE WITTIEST, MOST ENLIGHTENED MINDS IN ALL THE LAND, WE DO HEREBY DECLARE THAT:
Caffeine shall henceforth be considered a national treasure, to be revered and protected at all times.
Any attempt to consume less than 3 cups of caffeine per day shall be met with utmost disdain and ridicule.
Any attempt to consume more than 5 cups of caffeine per day shall result in immediate exile to a remote, coffee-less island.
ALL HAIL CAFFEINE!