The Prophecies of the Prophet of Despair

The End of All Things

It is foretold that the coffee shop will run out of avocado toast on a Tuesday.

The Rise of the Machines

The AI will finally be able to make a decent grilled cheese sandwich, but only for the wealthy.

The Return of the Ancients

The Egyptians will relearn how to build the Great Pyramid using only papyrus and twine.

The Great Pizza Revolution

The toppings will be so abundant, the pizza will be round, and the crust will be exactly 14 inches long.