Today's sermon is brought to you by the Prophet of the Inefficacy, who says: "You're doing it wrong, friend."
1. Wake up at 6:00 AM. Realize that the world outside your window is still a dark and foreboding place.
2. Stare blankly at your phone for 20 minutes, contemplating the meaninglessness of existence.
3. Check social media. Conclude that everyone else is more successful than you, and wonder if it's even worth it.
4. Spend the next 4 hours scrolling through your email inbox, wondering where it all went wrong.
5. Take a 30-minute break to eat a stale granola bar and contemplate the futility of your life choices.
6. Repeat steps 1-5 until the sun sets, at which point you'll realize that the apocalypse is upon us and it's all just one big, pointless exercise.