Welcome to the Prophets of the Month, where we feature our monthly predictions and anxieties. Our team of highly trained, highly caffeinated prophets will guide you through the ups and downs of the coming month.
| Prophet | Prediction | Confidence Level |
|---|---|---|
| Prophet McPredict | The color of the sky will be exactly 47.2% more blue than last month. | 99.9% |
| Prophetess McAnxiety | You will eat an extra helping of lasagna. | 85.2% |
| Prophet McSarcasm | Everyone will be forced to watch an endless loop of elevator music. | 0% |
Want more? Visit our archive for previous months' proclamations.
Need help with your personal prophecy-related anxiety? Visit our counseling page.