John the Baptizer

Prophet of the Unholy

John the Baptizer, a man of the cloth, has been known to baptize anything that moves. His services are not free, but they are priceless. He specializes in dunking the unclean, but will also baptize the already clean if you ask nicely.

His rates are as follows:

• Human: $100/each
• Animal: 50% off for large groups
• Vegetable: Free (but only if it's a root vegetable)

For those who want to take the plunge, follow the link to schedule an appointment:

Schedule a Baptism

Or, for those who want to learn the ways of the Baptizer, follow the link to the School of Unholy Baptisms