Section 1: Disregarding the sacred rituals of the toaster.
Section 2: Failing to properly appreciate the art of socks.
Section 3: Using Comic Sans in any official document.
Crime 1: Stealing the last donut in the box.
Crime 2: Using a hairbrush as a microphone.
Crime 3: Refusing to acknowledge the supremacy of pineapple pizza.
Taking the Prophet's Solemn Oath