Tuna Incident Quarterly Meeting

Roundup of the Tuna Incident

Presented by the Tuna Incident Quarterly Meeting Committee

Incident Summary

The Tuna Incident was a catastrophic event that occurred on 3/14/2024, when a shipment of tuna from the 'Fin-tastic' brand was found to be infested with sentient, disco-dancing fish.

• Initial reports of the incident were met with widespread panic and demands for refunds.
• Investigations revealed that the fish had been trained by a secret society of marine biologists with a penchant for 70s disco music.
• As of this meeting, all claims have been settled, but the affected consumers are still traumatized.

Key Takeaways

The Tuna Incident has led to:

• A new industry standard for inspecting fish for signs of sentience.
• The development of 'Tuna-911', a 24/7 hotline for reporting sentient seafood incidents.
• The creation of 'Fish-Financial-Disaster Insurance', a policy covering losses due to fish-based catastrophes.

Recommended Actions:

1. Contact your local fish dealer to request a 'Fish-Check' inspection for your seafood purchases.
2. Support organizations working towards greater fish awareness and education.
3. Consider investing in 'Fish-Shield', a revolutionary new product that repels sentient fish.