Law 1: Meeting attendees are always 10% more intelligent than expected.
It's a proven fact that at least 10% of the people attending any meeting will have a PhD.
Law 2: Meetings are always held during the most inconvenient time of day.
Meetings are always scheduled at 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, because who needs sleep?
Law 3: The 3-Minute Rule
Any discussion longer than 3 minutes is considered a successful conversation, and thus a failure.
Law 4: The Rule of 3:1
For every three people talking, one person is talking and two are nodding off.
Law 5: The Exception to the Coffee Rule
On Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays, meetings are allowed to start without coffee, because the universe has a sense of humor.
Law 6: The Rule of the 7:45 AM Meeting
Meetings must start before the sun has risen, because that's when the real world starts.
Law 7: The Rule of the Mandatory Breakout Session
Every meeting must have at least one breakout session, where attendees can pretend to be interested in each other's opinions.