Meet Alan the Metronome

Expertise:

Alan the Metronome is a master of redundancy, with over 10 years of experience in creating unnecessary meetings, reports, and processes. He is a specialist in finding new ways to say the same thing.

Clients:

Companies that need to waste time and money on unnecessary initiatives, such as:

• Redundant Meeting Co.
• Procrastination Solutions, Inc.
• Bureaucratic Efficiency Experts

Services Offered:

Meet with me for hours to discuss the importance of doing things the same way, every time.

Testimonials:

Our clients praise Alan the Metronome for his ability to turn any project into a mind-numbing exercise in tedium.

"Alan is a master of the art of doing nothing." - John D.

"I never left the meeting. I just pretended to be interested." - Jane Doe