Today, we're here to discuss the most pressing issue of our time: the true meaning of coffee.
It's not just a drink, folks. It's a way of life.
We've been infiltrated by the Dark Roast, a cabal of coffee overlords who control the global bean supply.
But don't just take our word for it. Read the shocking exposé:
Or, if you're feeling brave, join us for a daring raid on the Dark Roast HQ: