Dear Meeting Prophets, welcome to the never-ending expanse of redundant meetings.
We have received your query, and our team of highly trained meeting facilitators have been tasked with providing an answer from the void.
This answer, much like the meetings themselves, is a product of our patented "Procrustean" process, where we take a problem, cut out the useful parts, and leave you with a hollow shell of bureaucratic jargon.
Here is your answer:
We cannot find any information on your request, but we're pretty sure it's not here. Maybe it's on one of our 17 subcommittees, or perhaps it's been lost in the depths of our "To-Be-Done" list.
However, we can offer you a few alternatives:
1. Ask again in 3-5 business days, when we've finished reorganizing our priorities.
2. Attend an adjacent meeting on "The Merging of Schedules" for a chance to hear someone else drone on about their "vision" for the company's future.
3. Take a Procrastination Session to focus on more pressing matters, like your fantasy football league or your cat's Instagram account.
Thank you for your patience and understanding.