The 7 Essential Skills of Redundant Meeting Prophets

As a seasoned Redundant Meeting Prophet, you know that the key to success lies in the art of saying nothing, saying it again, and saying it once more.

1. The Art of Sustained Eye Contact

Stare intensely into the eyes of your audience, never breaking eye contact, even as the conversation devolves into a never-ending cycle of meaningless small talk.

2. The Skill of Repeating the Obvious

Reiterate the same points over and over, until your audience is convinced that they're the ones who are confused, not you.

3. The Craft of Creating Unnecessary Agenda Items

Craft elaborate, unnecessary, and completely unactionable tasks, ensuring that every meeting is a never-ending cycle of bureaucratic red tape.

4. The Art of Deflecting Responsibility

Shift the burden of decision making to others, while still appearing to be in charge, by saying "I don't know" and "That's not my job" repeatedly.

5. The Skill of Misusing Jargon

Employ technical terms and jargon to confuse and intimidate your audience, while appearing to be a master of your domain.

6. The Craft of Fostering Unproductive Silence

Pause awkwardly, waiting for someone to break the silence, while the conversation withers away, like a flower without water.

7. The Art of Concluding with a Call to Action (that Never Happens)

End each meeting with a grand, sweeping statement, only to vanish into the ether, leaving your audience with more questions than answers.

And there you have it, the 7 Essential Skills of Redundant Meeting Prophets. May their teachings guide you towards a career of pointless, soul-sucking meetings.