Here at Prophetic Forecasting, we've been tasked with predicting the future for the past 20 years. And by 'tasked', we mean 'forced to do so under the threat of being fired'. But hey, we're good at it! Our team of experts have mastered the art of gazing into the crystal ball, only to see our own faces staring back at us. It's a real thrill.
Our services include:
- Eventual Prophesying: We'll tell you exactly what will happen 5 years from now, and then act disappointed when it doesn't.
- Future-Proofing: We'll sell you a crystal ball, but it might just be a fancy glass vase with some stickers on it.
- Dream Interpretation: We'll tell you what your dreams mean, only to realize that you were just eating Cheetos in bed.
Don't believe the hype? That's okay! We've got a special 'Prophetic-Proof' package that'll make you look like a genius, even when our predictions are wrong.
Want to see our Prophetic Failures page for a taste of our, ahem, 'expert' work.