We have been expecting you! Our prophets have been predicting this moment for centuries.
Today, we bring you our most dire and terrifying prophecy yet:
Yes, we're talking fire and brimstone, the works. The end times are upon us, and we're not just talking about the economy.
But fear not, dear mortal! For in the face of certain doom, we bring you:
A selection of the finest donuts in the underworld, carefully crafted by our team of culinary experts to sustain you through the coming apocalypse.
But wait, there's more! As the world burns, our Prophets of the Apocalypse will be offering:
Get a glimpse into your soul, and the souls of those around you. Will you survive the coming apocalypse? Only our prophets know.
Get your free reading now!