Our Zombie Predictions - Next Week's Results
Our team of expert prophets has crunched the numbers and come up with some definitive answers to the most pressing questions of the impending zombie apocalypse.
According to our proprietary algorithm, which involves a lot of shouting, scribbling, and staring at tarot cards, here are the predictions for next week:
High-Probability Events
- 80%: Zombies will take over the coffee shop at the corner of 5th and Main.
- 90%: The city's water supply will be compromised due to a mysterious infestation of undead fish.
- 99%: The world will end on a Thursday.
Stay tuned for more information as it becomes available.
Don't forget to follow us on our social media channels for the latest updates from the apocalypse: @zombie_prophets
Low-Probability Events
- 10%: A group of survivors will find a way to communicate with the zombies through the power of interpretive dance.
- 5%: The zombies will develop a love for disco music and start a conga line that will sweep the nation.
- 1%: A lone hero will save the world by eating all the world's supply of cheese.
Remember, these predictions are subject to change based on the whims of our prophets and the mood of the universe. Stay vigilant!
Back to our survey results page for more information on how to prepare for the end times.
Back to our main page for a general overview of the apocalypse.