Monetary Prophet of the Downturn

Prophecies

Herein lies the wisdom of the Monetary Prophet of the Downturn:

1. Markets shall crash, but not before you've bought the necessary gold-plated safety deposit box.
2. Stocks shall tank, but not before you've invested in an emergency stash of non-perishable canned goods.
3. Currencies will fluctuate, but not before you've converted to Bitcoin, because why not?
4. The economy will recover, but not before you've diversified into artisanal, hand-knit socks.

Visit our sister site, Financial Prophetic Forecasts, for more dire predictions.