Our Services
Prophetic Scheduling
We'll help you predict the exact moment when the meeting will start on time and when it will inevitably run 30 minutes late due to 'scheduling conflicts'. Our proprietary algorithms take into account the mystical forces of bureaucratic entropy and the capricious nature of your coworkers' calendars.
Learn MoreProphetic Agenda Management
We'll help you divine the hidden agendas of your meeting leaders and predict when they will inevitably steer the conversation towards their pet projects and away from actual progress. Our team of experts will guide you through the Byzantine complexities of back-channel negotiations and backroom deals.
Learn MoreProphetic Conflict Resolution
We'll help you predict and prevent conflicts of interest, personality clashes, and outright sabotage. Our team of highly trained mediators will guide you through the treacherous waters of office politics and emerge with a harmonious resolution that will make everyone happy, or at least not want to kill themselves.
Learn MoreOur services are available for a fixed rate of $500 per meeting, plus a 20% gratuity for every meeting that runs longer than 2 hours. Discounts available for bulk purchases, or for meetings that are cancelled due to 'scheduling conflicts'.
Prophetic Forecasting Contents
Meet Our Team of Highly Trained Prophetic Forecasters
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Meet Our Team
Prophetic Forecasting Tools and Resources
We've got a suite of proprietary tools and resources to help you navigate the complex web of meetings and bureaucratic red tape. Our Forecasting Matrix will help you predict the exact moment when the meeting will start on time, and when it will inevitably run 30 minutes late due to 'scheduling conflicts'.
Forecasting ToolsThe Prophetic Forecasting Method
Our proprietary method of prophetic forecasting involves a combination of ancient techniques, advanced algorithms, and a pinch of magic. It's a closely guarded secret, but we're willing to share it with you for a small fee of $10,000.
The Prophetic Forecasting MethodTestimonials
"I was skeptical at first, but the Prophetic Forecasters really delivered. They predicted exactly when the meeting would start on time, and when it would run 30 minutes late due to 'scheduling conflicts'." - John D.
"I was amazed by the Prophetic Forecasters' ability to predict the exact moment when my boss would fall asleep during the meeting. It was like they were inside my head!" - Jane D.
Testimonials