Voids of Omniscience: A Manifesto for the Faint of Heart
By Manifesto Authors, the self-proclaimed Voids of Omniscience, a group of visionary meeting facilitators.
For too long, meetings have been plagued by the tyranny of productivity and efficiency. We propose a new paradigm, one where meetings are not just about accomplishing things, but about the experience of being in a room with other people, surrounded by stale air and the faint scent of desperation.
In this manifesto, we outline the 10 principles of Voids of Omniscience:
- Meetings should be held in dimly lit rooms.
- Attendees should be forced to listen to PowerPoint presentations.
- Discussion topics should be chosen at random.
- Decisions should be made by the loudest person in the room.
- Breaks should be scheduled every 5 minutes to ensure maximum distraction.
- Agendas should be rewritten 5 times to ensure maximum confusion.
- Meetings should never, ever end on time.
- A minimum of 3 hours should be spent discussing each agenda item.
- A 'brainstorming' session should last exactly 37 hours and 14 minutes.
By following these simple, yet profound principles, you too can become a Void of Omniscience, and join our ranks of enlightened meeting facilitators.
Join us on our next meeting, and experience the thrill of Voids of Omniscience for yourself!