Weekly Apocalyptic News

Good news, everyone! The world is still ending, but at a glacial pace. This week:

• The polar ice caps are still melting, but only slightly faster than last week.
• The oceans are rising, but only up to the ankles of the average skyscraper.
• The governments are still arguing, but with slightly louder voices.

Top Story: "It's the end of the world as we know it... or is it?"

Experts predict the apocalypse will still be delayed until at least 2025. In the meantime, enjoy the free pizza.

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