Meetings. The bane of productivity. The soul-sucking vortex that consumes your every waking moment. But fear not, dear reader, for we have a secret:
The key to mastering meetings is not to attend them, but to be the one holding the pen.
It's all about control, my friends. Control the agenda, control the conversation, control the flow of free donuts in the break room. It's a delicate art, one that requires finesse, cunning, and a dash of sorcery.
So, let's begin with the basics. The art of saying nothing. A crucial skill, one that will serve you well in your future meetings:
Now that you've mastered the art of saying nothing, it's time to move on to the power of non-verbal cues. The art of conveying complex ideas without actually speaking:
Use the 'nodding-but-not-really' nod. A subtle nod that says 'I'm listening,' but really means 'I'm plotting my escape.'
Employ the 'hand-on-hip' pose. A casual lean against the wall, with your hand planted firmly on your hip, says 'I'm interested, but not too invested.'
And, of course, master the 'skeptical eyebrow raise.' A raise of the eyebrow that says 'I'm not convinced, but I'm not going to challenge you either.'
These are just a few examples, but remember, the key is to be creative, to innovate, to push the boundaries of non-verbal communication.