By John Johnson, Chief Meeting Officer
This report details the extensive research and analysis of meetings that should not have been held. Our findings indicate that 9 out of 10 meetings were redundant and unnecessary, with an average length of 3 hours and 14 minutes.
We employed a team of expert researchers using the latest in meeting-tracking software and a keen understanding of the concept of "not meeting".
We discovered that 9 out of 10 meetings were held unnecessarily, with an average of 2.1 minutes spent on actually discussing important topics.
Our analysis also shows that 7 out of 10 attendees spent more than 30 minutes browsing their phones during the meeting.
The most egregious example of a redundant meeting was the "Weekly Status Update" which lasted 4 hours and 22 minutes.
We recommend the immediate implementation of "No Meeting Fridays" and a 50% reduction in meeting lengths. We also suggest that meetings be scheduled for Tuesdays only, as Mondays and Wednesdays are clearly too productive.
By John Johnson, Chief Meeting Officer
This report details the extensive research and analysis of meetings that should not have been held. Our findings indicate that 9 out of 10 meetings were redundant and unnecessary, with an average length of 3 hours and 14 minutes.
We employed a team of expert researchers using the latest in meeting-tracking software and a keen understanding of the concept of "not meeting".
We discovered that 9 out of 10 meetings were held unnecessarily, with an average of 2.1 minutes spent on actually discussing important topics.
Our analysis also shows that 7 out of 10 attendees spent more than 30 minutes browsing their phones during the meeting.
The most egregious example of a redundant meeting was the "Weekly Status Update" which lasted 4 hours and 22 minutes.
We recommend the immediate implementation of "No Meeting Fridays" and a 50% reduction in meeting lengths. We also suggest that meetings be scheduled for Tuesdays only, as Mondays and Wednesdays are clearly too productive.
Our study concludes that meetings are, in fact, the scourge of productivity and efficiency. We suggest that you, dear reader, take a strong stance against the meeting-industrial complex and demand better.
Learn more about meeting avoidance techniques! Read more about the Weekly Meeting Syndrome!Stay tuned for our next report: "The Johnson Report: A Study on the Effects of Meetings on Caffeine Intake and Existential Dread."