Meetings: Our Technique

Meetings. Because who doesn't love a good meeting.

We've got a technique that'll make you wonder how you ever did without it: the 5-hour meeting.

That's right, 5 whole hours of sitting in a conference room, staring at a whiteboard, and pretending to care.

We call it "The Technique of Desperation."

Step 1: Pretend to Care

• Make eye contact with your colleagues. It's a meeting, not a staring contest.
• Cross your arms, uncross them, cross them again. It's all about the dramatic effect.
• Smile, frown, smile, frown. You get the picture.
• Ask questions that have nothing to do with anything, just to keep the meeting going.

Step 2: The Art of Small Talk

• Talk about the weather. Or sports. Or your cat.
• Make a joke that's so bad it's good. Or not.
• Tell a story that's longer than 30 seconds. Or an hour.
• Discuss the meaning of life. Or not.

Step 3: The Power of PowerPoint

Because nothing says 'I'm a serious business person' like a PowerPoint presentation.

Use lots of bullet points, bold text, and clip art.

Make sure your font is Comic Sans. It's the most professional font.

Step 4: The Meeting Wrap-Up

Summarize everything we've discussed. Or not.

Assign tasks to your colleagues. Or not.

Decide on a follow-up meeting. Or two. Or three...

And that's it! Congratulations, you've survived another meeting!

Step 5: The After-Party