After weeks of investigation, management has finally identified the root cause of the company's productivity crisis: accidental jazz hands.
A special task force, comprised of our most elite employees, has been deployed to address this issue. Their mission is to identify and contain all instances of accidental jazz hands, and to develop a comprehensive plan to prevent their occurrence.
Key findings include:
- Accidental jazz hands are often triggered by excessive enthusiasm, poor posture, and an overreliance on caffeine.
- Average incident rate has increased by 300% since the introduction of the new coffee machine in the break room.
- The majority of incidents have occurred during high-pressure deadlines, when employees are working on critical projects.
Recommended solutions include:
- Installing handrailings throughout the office to reduce accidental jazz hand frequency.
- Providing additional break room seating areas to reduce caffeine intake.
- Implementing a new project prioritization system to reduce high-pressure deadlines.
Stay tuned for further updates on this developing story.