Bob, you've been with us for 5 years, but your work has been subpar. We're not sure what's more disappointing, the fact that you've managed to break the copier 3 times in a row or the fact that you still think you can get away with using Comic Sans on our intranet.
As a result, we've decided that it's time for you to move on. We're offering you a generous severance package, but let's be real, it's not like you're going to use it for anything other than to buy more Comic Sans-themed merchandise.
Below are the details of your exit package:
1 week's pay in a cardboard box (don't get too attached, it's not like you'll be needing it)
1 year's supply of ramen noodles (you'll need it)
A letter of recommendation (we'll say you were a team player... in the sense that you always found ways to play the system)
Hyperlinks to our company's Exit Package Subpage
We hope you'll find this opportunity to start anew and move on to bigger and better things... like a life of Next Steps!