As per our company's "Zero Tolerance Policy for Whining and Whimpering", it has been determined that you, Bob, are no longer fit for service.
Your numerous complaints about the coffee machine, the microwave, and the "unacceptable" temperature in the break room have been deemed a threat to the well-being of your colleagues.
Attached is a copy of the official termination letter, which includes a comprehensive list of reasons why you're fired.
Reasons include:
Please note that all company property, including your computer and stapler, will be confiscated upon your departure.
Don't bother responding to this email, as it will only be met with silence and a sternly worded reply from HR.
See you on the way out.
TERMINATION AGREEMENT COLLEGIUM OF WITNESSES