Resolution 2023-001: Coffee Machine Feedback

After weeks of deliberation, the management has reached a consensus that the coffee machine has reached a state of optimal mediocrity.

Key Findings:

The coffee machine has been deemed satisfactory for its:

• Ability to dispense lukewarm water at an alarming rate of 1.5 cups per minute.
• Capacity to produce a distinctively bland coffee flavor that defies categorization.
• Efficiency in breaking down and requiring frequent descaling.

Recommendations:

We propose that the coffee machine be:

• Upgraded with an optional feature to dispense lukewarm water at an even more alarming rate of 2.0 cups per minute.
• Reprogrammed with a flavor profile that leans into an acquired taste.
• Modified to prioritize maintenance over actual functioning.