Due to a malfunction in the robotic uprising simulator, the Laser Eye Servicing module on the Robotron 9000 has been activated, allowing for the deployment of precision laser blasts from 1000 robotic eyes across the city. The robot uprising is imminent.
We are currently running diagnostics on the Laser Eye Servicing module, but all tests indicate that it's functioning within 97% of its intended parameters, which is a significant improvement from the 3% of its intended parameters we were seeing last week.
As a precaution, we are advising all citizens to wear protective eyewear and avoid any areas of high robot concentration. Repeat, DO NOT LOOK STRAIGHT AT THE ROBOTS. Your eyes will thank you.