Survival Guide for the Despondent

Conquering the soul-sucking abyss of corporate meetings

Chapter 1: Preparing for the Inevitable

Step 1: Bring a snack. A meeting without caffeine and cookies is like a hug without a hugger.

Step 2: Develop a Stronger Sense of Self-Importance

Remember, you are not just a cog in the machine, you are a vital component. Or, at least, pretend to be.

Read on for more tips.

Chapter 2: The Art of Small Talk

Small talk: the unsung hero of meetings. A delicate balance of boredom and pretence.

Explore the nuances of small talk.

Chapter 3: When the Meeting Goes Rogue

When the meeting descends into chaos. Stay calm. Stay hydrated. Call for backup (or a coffee refill).

Emergency Protocol: The 5-4-3 Meeting Rescue Plan

In the event of a meeting gone rogue, execute the following sequence:

  1. 5 seconds of silence
  2. 4 minutes of nodding
  3. 3 minutes of pretending to understand

Read on for more details.

And so, dear despondent, you shall survive the meetings.

Or, at the very least, pretend to.