We are currently in the midst of a Code Red situation. All employees are required to attend this meeting, effective immediately.
Please report to the conference room for further instructions.
Snacks will be provided, but only if you arrive before the coffee machine runs out.
The coffee machine is currently OUT OF COFFEE.
The vending machine has 3 packets of stale crackers and 1 packet of expired granola bars.
Help is on the way, but until then, let's just... wing it.