MEMORANDUM

TO: All Department Heads

FROM: The Emergency Meeting Chairperson

SUBJECT: We're All Gonna Die

As you are all aware, the world is on the brink of collapse.

Reports of catastrophic events are pouring in from all corners of the globe.

It's time to put aside petty squabbles and focus on survival.

Below, you will find a list of emergency procedures:

• 1. Stock up on canned goods and bottled water.
• 2. Learn basic self-defense techniques.
• 3. Build a bunker in your backyard.
• 4. Learn to play the accordion.

For those interested in more information, please visit our FAQ page or our Accordion School.