Welcome, esteemed team! Today's meeting is going to be the most productive hour of your life. Or at least that's what we're counting on.
Action Item 1: Finish the report. It's not done yet. Like, at all.
Action Item 2: Tell John that his hair looks great. But only because he used hair wax.
Action Item 3: Call the client and apologize for the delay. Or pretend you're still in charge.