Minute-by-Minute Breakdown of Our Crisis Management Plan

9:00: The minute we find out the apocalypse is coming, we'll send out an email blast to all employees.

9:05: We will convene an emergency meeting prophets, mystics, and experts in chaos theory.

9:10: The meeting will feature a slide show with 20 PowerPoint slides, each one more dramatic than the last.

9:15: The CEO will deliver a 10-minute speech about the importance of being on time.

9:20: The IT department will announce that the coffee machine is out of order.

Read on for the rest of the plan!