Warning: Attendance is Optional, But Please Try
It seems you have arrived on a day when attendance is optional, but still somehow mandatory. We're not really sure why you're here, but we're glad you're pretending to be.
We have a special just-in-case attendance policy in place. If you're not sure what that means, don't worry, it's a real thing.
Our records show that 3 people attended last week, but only 2 of them were here for the right reasons.