Treatment of the Day: "The Inflated Sense of Self-Worth"
Today, we'll be treating the affliction of overestimating one's own self-importance. Symptoms include: an overabundance of selfies, a penchant for self-pity, and an irrational fear of failure.
Causes:
- Uncontrollable urge to check social media every 5 seconds
- Unhealthy obsession with being "on brand"
- Excessive use of the word "amazing" to describe mundane activities
Treatment Options:
- Medication: "Reality Check" pills ($50 per dose)
- Counseling: "Self-Worth" sessions ($100 per session)
- Therapy: "Self-Improvement" exercises ($200 per hour)