Q: Why must I attend meetings, despite my better judgment?
A: Because, apparently, you're not a hermit with a functioning brain. Meeting attendance is a vital part of our corporate rituals.
Q: What's the point of these meetings, anyway?
A: The point is to make you feel like you're accomplishing something, even when you're not. It's like a placebo for productivity. Read more about the placebo effect.
Q: Can I just email my responses instead of coming in person?
A: Ha! You think it's that simple. Meetings are a social activity, like a bad dinner party where everyone's forced to talk to each other. Learn more about our social engineering.
Disclaimer: Meetings: Because Who Doesn't Love Suffering?