I woke up on this fateful day in my cozy, yet moderately-priced safari lodge in the heart of the African savannah. The sun was shining bright, the birds were singing their hearts out, and I was... about to become a mid-morning snack for a hungry crocodile.
As I was busy attempting to take a selfie with a bemused warthog, I failed to notice the 15-foot Nile crocodile lurking in the nearby waters. Next thing I knew, I was being dragged into the jaws of doom, and all I could muster was a faint "HONK HONK!" as I was devoured.
The locals, who had been watching the whole ordeal from a safe distance, were quite amused by my predicament. They took bets on how long it would take for me to become a part of the food chain.
As I write this from the comfort of my stomach, I can assure you that I'm not one to be trifled with. Or, at the very least, not to be trifled with while wearing a bright yellow safari suit.
If you're ever in the area, do be sure to visit the Crocodile Eater's Memorial, a 10-foot statue of a rather disappointed-looking me, located in the heart of the savannah.
Other notable attractions in the area include:
Stay tuned for more thrilling tales from the travels of Bernard Bertrand-Bernstein!