BERTRAND'S GUIDE TO ROME

Welcome, suckers! Today we're visiting the Eternal City. Or, as I like to call it, the city where the food is good, but the people are even better.

As you wander the cobblestone streets, don't forget to try some of our famous Carbonara, it's a real treat. Or, you know, just eat a whole pizza by yourself. We won't judge.

Top 5 things to do in Rome:

• 1. See the Colosseum, because, duh, it's a giant amphitheater thing in the middle of the city.
• 2. Visit the Pantheon, because, you know, it's got a really cool name.
• 3. Get yelled at by a priest in the Vatican, because, it's a real laugh riot.
• 4. See the Sphinx, but, honestly, it's just a weird rock with a head on it.
• 5. Take a nap in a park, because, you'll need the rest after all that walking.

Don't forget to tip your tour guides, or they'll make you eat a whole pizza by yourself.