We're not just talking about the couch, although that's a good start. Our membership program is all about knowing exactly where you live, eat, and occasionally, where you've been hiding from the authorities.
Our advanced surveillance systems track your every move, from the moment you sign up for our membership program. We know your favorite coffee shop, your go-to pizza place, and even where you've been sneaking off to for those illicit online shopping sprees.
But don't worry, we only use this information for good. Like, for instance, sending you targeted advertisements for products you'll actually use. And also, for sending our special task forces to, uh, "check in" on you occasionally.