Warning: The following techniques are not actually real. Or are they?
Method 1: Monkey Brained Mind Control involves using a trained team of highly focused monkeys to hack into your brain using nothing but bananas and a trusty old keyboard.
Method 2: Quantum Telepathy requires a PhD in physics and a solid understanding of Schrödinger's equation.
Method 3: Telepathic Dance Moves involve using a combination of intricate footwork and mental manipulation to control the minds of those around you.
Method 4: Psychic Paper Clip requires an extensive knowledge of office supply psychology and the art of bending metal paper clips into the shape of a mind-controlling vortex.
Remember, these methods are highly experimental and may not actually work. Or do they?
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