DEFENSE MACE Because who needs actual defense, anyway?

We have the finest, most overpriced, and utterly unnecessary maces in the land.

Our maces are handcrafted with love, disdain, and a hint of desperation. Each one is a masterpiece of questionable design.

Click here for a closer look at our flagship model, the "Inflatable Mace of Despair".

Or maybe you'd rather browse our limited edition "Mace of the Ancients" collection?

And for the really, really, really special occasions, try our "Mace of the Damned"!

MACE SPECIFICATIONS

• Material: Solid, unyielding steel (with a hint of disappointment)
• Mace-Head Diameter: 12 inches (radius: prophets-eyes)
• Weighs: A tonne (or so, we've been told)

Don't settle for less, get the Defense Mace. Because, you know, defense is just an excuse for not being prepared.

Frequently Asked Questions

Disclaimer: We're not actually defense experts, don't @ us.