Product Description:
These aren't just any energy bars. No, sir. These are the Emergency Rations - Energy Bars. The ones that will get you through that meeting, that workout, or that zombie apocalypse.
Each bar is carefully crafted with a blend of 30% pure sugar, 20% regret, and 50% existential dread. The result is a taste that's equal parts sweet and soul-crushing.
Features:
- Guaranteed to fuel your panic response
- Perfect for emergency situations, or just for Tuesday
- Contains a hint of despair, but only if you're paying attention
Technical Specifications:
- Ingredients: Corn syrup, soy protein, and a pinch of disappointment
- Nutritional Information: 300 calories, 10g protein, and 50g regret
- Shelf Life: Until the apocalypse, after that, it's up for grabs