**URGENT**
**FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE**
**SAUSAGE FACTORY WORKERS UNION DECLARES GENERAL STRIKE**
We, the undersigned sausageworkers, have reached a critical point of no return. Our union, representing the brave and beleaguered workers of the Sausage Factory, hereby declares that we will not be silenced, we will not be oppressed, and we will not be subjected to the whims of our tyrannical management!
We demand:
1. A 40-hour workweek, with a minimum of 4 hours for lunch.
2. An end to the use of 'The Macarena' as a required training video in our orientation sessions.
3. A complimentary breakfast buffet, featuring a variety of artisanal sausages, in the breakroom daily.
**IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY, WE WILL...**
We will not hesitate to deploy our arsenal of picket signs, protest chants, and moderately-aggressive union chants.
We will not be deterred from our righteous cause, no matter the cost!
© 2023 Sausage Factory Workers Union