MISTAKE #1: FORGETTING TO WEAR A BATHING SUIT IN THE SAUNA
It started innocently enough. You walked into the sauna and thought, "Ah, just a quick 10 minutes to relax." But little did you know, your skin was already a delicate flower, and the dry heat was about to turn you into a human-sized prune.
As you sat down on the bench, you felt a searing pain in your derrière, and your eyes began to bug out like a pair of overcooked eggs. You tried to stand up, but your legs had turned into two sticks of dynamite, ready to blow your entire lower half of your body to kingdom come.
Your fellow sauna-goers looked on in terror as you frantically waved your arms like a madman, trying to get someone's attention. Finally, one of them, a kind-hearted soul with a face mask and a towel wrapped around her hair, approached you with a bottle of aloe vera gel and a stern expression.
"You should really be wearing a bathing suit," she said, handing you the gel and giving you a disapproving look.
Lesson learned: Always, always wear a bathing suit in the sauna. Or risk turning into a human-sized raisin.