REPAIRING YOUR MODEL 4000

Step 3: Replacing the Inflated Expectations

Warning: This step may cause mild emotional distress and existential dread.

1. Remove the last shred of optimism you had before purchasing this product.
2. Convince yourself that the Model 4000's numerous defects are merely "character-building" quirks.
3. Repeat steps 1-2 until you've achieved a suitable level of resignation.