It's been four phases, and you're still here. Congratulations! You've managed to reach the sugar coma of despair.
We've tried everything: Monday morning motivation, Tuesday Tuesday therapy, and Wednesday wellness workshops. But you're still here, stuck in this never-ending cycle of sugary desperation.
Phase 4 is all about shock treatment. We'll blast you with a barrage of harsh realities: your credit cards are maxed out, your social media followers are dwindling, and your Netflix password reset link has expired.
Or, if you're feeling adventurous:
Disclaimer: Our recovery plan is not actually a recovery plan. It's just a series of increasingly desperate attempts to distract you from your sugar addiction.