Caffeine-deprived and desperate, you've made it to Phase 6 of the Monday Blues Recovery Plan.
You're starting to feel it: the creeping sense of dread, the impending sense of doom, the certainty that you'll never escape the abyss of sugar-fueled productivity.
But fear not, dear hero, for we have a plan.
The Sugar Crash Protocol is a series of increasingly desperate measures designed to get you back on track.
Phase 6: Intensive Caffeine IV Therapy
Inject 500mL of pure, unadulterated coffee into your system via IV drip.
Side effects may include:
• Increased heart rate
• Enhanced focus
• Sudden, intense desire to yell at coworkers