This phase of the Somnolent Existence is a real doozy. Monday morning comes and you're like, "Ugh, I'm soooo tired. I just wanna stay in bed with my pillow." But, no, you're a responsible adult with bills to pay and responsibilities to attend to. So, here's the deal. Follow this plan, and you'll be back to normal in no time.
Start your day with a strong cup of coffee. Not just any coffee, but the kind that'll knock you off your feet. We're talkin' espresso, baby! Make sure it's strong enough to put hair on your chest, or in your case, make you forget what day it is.
Read more about Caffeine Overload
Find a quiet place, like the nearest bathroom, and scream. Scream about your job, your boss, your in-laws, or your student loans. Scream about the meaninglessness of existence. Scream until your vocal cords are sore, and your ears are ringing.
Read more about Scream Therapy
Scroll through Instagram, looking at cute cat pictures. Yes, you read that right. Cute cat pictures. They're like, scientifically proven to cure the Monday blues. Or, at the very least, they'll distract you from the impending doom of adulting.
Phase 7.4: Procrastination Station
Take a few minutes to scroll through YouTube. Watch cat videos, funny memes, or cat videos. Yes, you read that right. Cat videos. They're like, the key to unlocking the secrets of the universe, or at least, they'll make you forget what you're doing.
Read more about Procrastination Station
Phase 7.5: Selfies with a Twist
Take a selfie with a funny expression. Add a filter that makes you look like a cartoon character. Post it on social media, and watch the likes roll in. Or, at the very least, make yourself laugh.
Read more about Selfies with a Twist
Phase 7.6: Adult Coloring Books
Grab an adult coloring book, and color like the wind. Color your worries away, color your cares away. Color until your hands are sore, and your eyes are tired.
Read more about Adult Coloring Books
Phase 7.7: The Daily Grind
Make a game out of your day. See how much coffee you can drink, how many meetings you can attend, how many spreadsheets you can fill. Make it a competition, and see who can win. Or, at the very least, make it not boring.
Read more about The Daily Grind
Phase 7.8: The Morning After
Wake up, and do it all again. Or, at the very least, pretend to wake up, and do it all again. Repeat this cycle until you're a functioning member of society, or until you're a functioning member of society with a strong stomach, and a love for Mondays.