Why can't I have coffee?

It's Monday, and you're not even trying.

Newsflash: Mondays are for despair.

Why did you think you could just waltz into this week without a caffeine IV drip?

Here's the deal: Mondays are like that one friend who always cancels on you.

They're always like, "Hey, I'm not coming over, I'm just gonna take a few days off."

No, Monday, you're not off, buddy.

So, no coffee for you.

What is melancholy? Why can't I have cake?

Don't even think about it, just go to work and pretend you're a functioning member of society.

Or, you know, just have a nice cup of tea.