Monday Mandates: Anticipation of Monday

Monday Mandates: A Day of Unrelenting Bureaucracy

It's the first day of the week, and you know what that means... MANDATES. Yes, folks, the dreaded Monday Mandates have descended upon us once again.

Here's your Monday morning briefing:

• Mandate 1: You Will Arrive at Work On Time
• Mandate 2: You Will Check Your Email Again, Because Maybe This Time It's Important
• Mandate 3: You Will Consume at Least 3 Donuts Before Noon

Stay vigilant, citizens, for these mandates will be enforced with an iron fist... and also with a strongly worded email.