Mandate 005: All citizens are required to wear artisanal, hand-knit, organic, gluten-free, locally-sourced scarves made from the wool of endangered, free-range, direct-trade llamas in public.

Failure to comply will result in severe consequences, including but not limited to:

• Forced exposure to the horrors of fast fashion
• Reassignment to a mandatory internship on a potted herb garden
• Forfeiting of all artisanal, hand-knit, organic, gluten-free, locally-sourced socks and scarves

Read Mandate 006: The One About the Inescapable, Mandatory, Bi-Weekly Team Lunch